Letting Go

For a lot of people, letting go is really difficult. For me, writing this or at all is hard, because I can't let go of the fear I feel thinking about what people may think of what I am writing. Afraid of judgement etc. Are there spelling errors, does this make any sense HA keeping me from clicking SEND. 

Letting go of drinking too much or all together, a bad habit like smoking or biting your finger nails, a relationship or an old t-shirt, communication with an ex, that worry, fear, doubt, insecurity, etc... the list goes on and on and on. Can you relate?

I've come to the understanding that looking forward to the future is harder than letting go of the past. It's easier to stay stuck in a comfortable place where you can reminisce about "the good ole days".  This is just from my personal experience, of course. 

Today I ask the question, what do I have to let go of, what past mindset, beliefs, experiences, etc. must I move on from. I can remember, but I won't allow the past to come along for the ride anymore hindering me from the new opportunities and adventures that await... there isn't enough room for where I am  going to take the past with me anymore. So... goodbye to yesterday, and hello to today and tomorrow... anyways, that's my thought today, I wonder if it helps you... Feel free to write or comment to me... I would love to hear your thoughts...

Also one thing I learned from my nephew Zander is to let go of trying to think too far ahead, and to just take one day at a time... if you haven't checked out his story you can follow and support here...any donation helps so much - Thank you!

- Chase

I heard someone read a poem by Safire Rose..it goes like this:

She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of the fear.  She let go of the judgments.  She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.  She let go of the committee of indecision within her.  She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go.  She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go.  She let go of all of the memories that held her back.  She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.  She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.

No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.

Dear Zander...From "Papa T"

October 31, 2017

Dear Zander,

Hey little guy, I am your grandfather Steve, your mommy’s father, and by the time you can read this letter  you will most likely call me Papa.  Your mommy’s and aunt Jade’s friends when they were growing up all used to call me Papa T, and I liked that.  I wanted to write you a letter because the beginning of your life was really quite amazing and sometimes we forget to write down and document memorable events in our lives.  As time passes many of the details can fade.  So my grandson, let me tell you how you came into this world, starting from the scariest text message I have ever received on Wednesday, Oct 11, 2017, at 11:41PM.

So that was the start of a very scary evening.  Your grandma Susan and I had fallen asleep on the couch watching TV when my phone went off.  I was stunned and afraid, and my thoughts immediately went to your mom and how afraid she must be.  I immediately went to New Britain Hospital where you were were born not too long after.  Because you were born 14 weeks early, they transferred both you and your mom to Uconn.  There is where you really scared us.

You’ve probably heard the story by now, but on Sunday night, Oct 15th, the doctor called your mom and dad into a separate room, and told them to call the family, and tell them to come to the hospital because there was a high chance that you would not make it through a lung procedure they needed to perform.  When I arrived, your dad met me in the hallway, and just hugged me so hard and started to cry really hard.  Your parents were a mess, faced with the prospect that they may not be able to bring you home and may not have you in their lives!  It was hard to see such despair and helplessness.  The entire extended family was there.  Me and grandma Susan, grandma Sandy, Nana and grandpa Tom, great grandparents Mama and Papa, aunts Jen//Randy and Dawn, Jade/Robert.  At one point, they made the family stay out in the hall and we all gathered and prayed.  There was nothing else we could do.  We were helpless.  It was out of our control, so we held hands and just asked God to perform a miracle for you.  I asked that you would be known as a little walking miracle. It is hard to actually describe it.  There was fear, mixed with hopelessness and dependence on the doctor's.  This is how your mom put it days later when she posted it on Facebook:

via Alexandra Marie's Facebook Post

Your mom really made me proud when you were born.  I guess I always had seen her as my little girl, someone I had spent so many years providing for and protecting.  To see her dealing with such “real life” pain was hard.  This wasn’t getting a bad grade on a test, or even not getting into a grad school she applied to.  This was life or death for her first born, you! Until you are a parent yourself it is impossible to imagine.  But she has been so so strong, and really has trusted that God was in control.  I saw her that night prepare herself to let you go.  

I just wanted to write you a letter so years from now when you are older you can read this and realize what an amazing beginning to your life you had, and how many people you impacted and touched without even knowing it.  Simply by being you, being yourself, and fighting with all your might to just stay alive, you have taught us all so much!   You have taught us:

• To let go of things we can’t control

• To not look too far ahead, but minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day

• To never give up!  And sometimes to “flip” off the world or anyone who doesn’t think you can do something!  (ask your mom this story, and see picture below from uncle Chase).

• To have faith, to ask for faith when we don’t have it, and to trust God.

• That family support is powerful

• That prayer is powerful. So many people were literally touch by your story and struggle.  People all over the country through social media were praying for you. Your mom also planned a prayer circle at the hospital the Tuesday after you almost didn’t make it.  50 plus people came, and united together we prayed.  Myself, your uncle Chase, and your dad’s boss Mike Dyer lead everyone in a prayer to thank God for getting you through that Sunday night, for your strength and spirit, and to ask for continued healing.

I know that all of this must seem strange that something you did as a tiny baby, something you did without even knowing it, by your instincts from your inner being, could have an impact on so many.  But that is why I am writing you this letter.  Someday you may need to read this, and be reminded that your name means Warrior, Defender of Men.  And from day 1, you have been a fighter.  When everything was stacked against you, your weight, your lungs, your infection, everything, and the Doctors thought you wouldn't make it, your mom told me she just wanted you to tell everyone to “F off”, and that is exactly what you did.  

You pulled through.  

You are a survivor and a fighter.

You fought, and did not take the easy way out, so whatever you might be going through as you read this or in future years, just be yourself, and fight (and flip off the world if you need to!).

So Zander Robert Lee, my grandson, you are greatly loved by me, and most importantly by your Heavenly Father!  God loves  you so much, and I know he has an amazing plan for your life.  You had an amazing start to your life, I pray God’s continued protection and blessing over you and your mom and dad, and any other siblings you may have now!!!

Love,

Papa T

Here I am with Grandma Susan checking you out in the isolete.

 

 

To follow and support Zander's life click the link below!

 

 

🌹 I painted this almost a year ago...

🌹

I painted this almost a year ago... To be honest at the time, I stopped painting because I had a full time job working at an ad agency. There is this tension between responsibility in paying rent and bills, and having fun and creating from passion. I remember in school growing up my teachers would call me out for daydreaming out the window. It was bad. I wasn’t paying attention. I wasn’t supposed to dream because I was supposed to be learning math or something, which was the right thing to be doing in the moment. But I just can’t help wondering about all the dreamers who get their ideas squashed because of the ‘right’ thing to do, playing it safe and forgetting about what was placed in their heart while they divert their attention to solving a math problem along with 20 other students. The last two years in LA have been just that, balancing what was ‘right’ and what God has placed in my heart that would be a risk to pursue. There is so much going on in this painting, all sorts of movement, it’s abstract, I love abstract. But in the middle is a rose made out of all that chaos. It may not look perfect, or how a picture of a rose would look, but it’s still a rose. That reminds me that no matter what we look like or where we are from, everyone is still human. So, does this rant have anything to do with this abstract painting of a rose? HA…no but the reason why I am even writing this is because this picture inspired me to stop & reflect on how I got to where I am today. The only reason why I didn’t stop painting at that time was because my friend Justin - who always encouraged my paintings when I posted them - asked for one himself. So I carved out time and made a way to paint, and I am so happy I did. You never know who or what you may be inspiring.  So I encourage you today, to go after what God has placed in your heart, try to do the ‘right’ thing while balancing your passions and dreams, surround yourself with good friends who will call you out and also push you into your purpose, because it’s so easy to give up, and so hard to stay the course. Whatever you do just don’t give up x

Chase and Justin after presenting the painting. 

Outcry Tour 2017

I had the opportunity to go on the road with the Outcry Tour for a second time with Chad Veach this summer.  12 cities in two weeks. I love it. I love moving forward. I love knowing tomorrow we will be waking up in a new city.  I also already had one tour under my belt so I felt prepared this time around. I decided I would take my Konica film camera my dad gave me instead of a digital camera I took on tour the previous year. I thought it would be a way to stay present in the moment in each city, looking through the film cameras view finder... staying in the moment focusing the lens and knowing I only had one shot...well 36 total. I bought 11 rolls of 36 exposure film before I left. So I had a total of 396 shots to take. That seems like a lot, but go ahead and check how many photos you have taken on your iPhone... yup way more than 396. Anyways, here is a few of my favorite shots I captured along the way...and I wish I bought more rolls before the tour...but film is expensive ya know... I hope you enjoy. 

https://www.outcrytour.com/